The Spaces Between The Bars

Have you ever been in a public place and looked at someone sitting across the room and thought, “We would never be friends. We’re way too different. The only reason why we’re in the same vicinity is because we’re both renewing our driver's license.”

I think that’s how I would view my penpals and, more so, how they would view me if they could see me. I started writing to inmates back in 2016. I love writing letters, so I thought why not? Why not write to someone who needs a friend more than most of the people I send the occasional letter to? I was honestly a little nervous at first. I had no idea, and still don’t for sure know who I’m writing to. I know their names, and I could probably look them up if I wanted to, but I don’t. I like the mystery of not fully knowing them, of only knowing what they tell me. I don’t know most of their crimes, and I’m grateful for that, too. I’d rather not. I’d rather just be someone who sees them for them; who sees them for their personality, their talents, their cleverness, and not just what got them behind bars. 

One of my penpals always makes me laugh from his letters. When I say laugh, I mean really laugh, out loud and way more than a half-witted nose sigh. I look forward to getting his letters the most because he genuinely cares about my life, enough to where he can make subtle jabs about things he knows I think are funny. In one of his early letters, he reached out asking for some yoga poses specifically for conjugal visits with his wife. He’d been feeling stiff from being in his cell. As awkward as the context was, I sent him an array of poses I did myself, along with some I hadn’t even tried yet. I figured there was no chance he would even try them. But he did. He loves them! He does them daily, or at least that’s what he tells me. Now... he’s not doing them in the prison yard, but he does practice them when he’s alone in his cell. He feels much more flexible and his body feels better overall, regardless of the original reasoning. He’s also been cheering me on from afar on achieving the splits. He knew that was my next flexibility goal and when I got them, he was the first person I wanted to tell. 

It’s crazy how much I don’t know about my penpals, but I do know this -  they have hearts for friendship, just like mine. We may look insanely different, our lives have played out in such contrast, but we connect. We share laughter and camaraderie in the spaces between the bars.